Late last night, the gay mobile porn-watching community was in an uproar over Apple’s new iPhone 4 handset losing signal while being held in only the left hand, creating an obvious problem for right handed masturbators.
When it was unveiled by Apple earlier this month, one of the iPhone 4’s much-touted features was having all its antennas built directly into the outer frame of the device, but now this feature is receiving a large, swollen thumbs down from some iPhone users, who wonder if interfering with gay porn viewing was the actual intent behind the new antenna design.
“Apple did their homework on this one,” said David Long, a disgruntled 37 year-old gay mobile porn user. “Over 85% of the world is right handed and watches gay mobile porn with their phone in their left hand. Now when my mom is out at the grocery store and I get a hankering to check out a little wireless erotica, I have to set the phone on a surface or switch hands and go all ‘stranger’ on myself. I think maybe Steve Jobs is serious about wanting the iPhone to be ‘porn-free,’ after all.”
Long isn’t alone in having concerns on this apparent adult video lock on the new hardware; Kim Kysar, Brand and Product Manager for leading gay mobile porn studio <a href=”http://www.malespectrum.com”>Male Spectrum</a> said the company is anticipating an irate response from its customers.
“It’s really a shame, because our sites and content look absolutely fantastic on the new retina display,” Kysar said. “On a positive note, our left handed members couldn’t be happier with the new iPhone as porn consumption tool.”
For consumers like Long, however, knowing that left handed users aren’t plagued with the issue is no silver lining.
“Ambidextrous masturbation is a hassle,” Long said. ”Right handed people didn’t buy these new phones to work an untapped portion of our brain; we bought them to get our rocks off on the go, with near full bars, no matter how we hold the device.”
Kysar said that Male Spectrum is working on a new, “left hand optimized” version of the company’s flagship mobile porn site, <a href=”http://www.imalespectrumpass.com”>iMalesSpectrumPass.com</a>, and will soon publish tips on how to reposition the device in your left hand so as to avoid triggering the signal interference.
“We’re all about providing solutions to our customers’ problems,” Kysar said. “Whether this was an intentional measure crafted to make mobile porn harder to watch on the device, or merely an unintended consequence of the new design, it’s an obstacle to our customers, and Male Spectrum’s role has always been to help our members over-come.”
